Look who's back... back again. Life lessons from the past 5 months!

Apologies for my radio silence. I have been meaning to get on here and write something wonderful and witty since the last forced blog instalment in April. However, my creative juices and words seemed to have dried up like the Sahara desert on crack.

Maybe I'm just not that interesting? Maybe the blog thing is dead and I'm a 100 years too late with the 'tell everyone about your life' trend. Maybe you should just grow up, get a proper job and start moaning about life like the rest of us. CORRECTIMONDO. However, yah gals not paid £100 plus dirty money to Wix.com for her domain name and website to sit and collect pity dust.

So, in aid of getting my money's worth, today's blog instalment is going to be a random collection of thoughts and experiences archived from over the past 4/5 months. Quite random and whack, a bit like the 'summer' we've just had. Let's kick things off with... how the fack is it September already.

Anyways, onwards and upwards. Let's time travel back to April when I last left you. No, Bella DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK TO THAT PLACE of rules and regs! Trust me. It's going to be short, sweet, fun and full of shits and gigs.

APRIL - Can Confirm I hate working in Hospitality

Oh April...what a throwback. I had just got a banging haircut that made me look like Dakota Johnson's less hot sister and bagged myself a job at the new pub round the corner. WINNING. No honestly, after months of looking like Hagrid from Hazzer Potter and getting rejected from every job application (even Morrison's wouldn't take me on) I felt like I had won the 2021 lottery of sparkly new 'Perhaps I'll set up a lemonade stand if no-one employees me' beginnings. Forever the optimist.

Long story short, as the month progressed my cute little bangs grew out and the deterioration of my sanity clarified that, oh yes, I do still hate working in hospitality. A cocktail of ;12 hours shifts, Karens on mass, minimum wage, 2am pints of IPA, minimum sleep, more Karens, no social life, 12 hour shifts, 2am pints of APA, 2 loafs of bread before bed, and you guessed it.... PANIC ATTACK. The final straw was my reluctant and bitter cycle to my shift on the bank holiday weekend, along the pavement because YOLO, when a grumpy old man waved his walking stick at me and forced me into the road. The audacity, I wasn't even wearing a helmet. Probably Karens husband.

Anyway's, a few days later, as I was ironing my shirt and apron and pondering the dreaded groundhog day ahead I thought **** IT. I hopped on my bike and said que sera, sera as I handed in my hand-written notice, and that was that. On a positive note, the people I worked with were absolutely wonderful, RESPECT TO YOU for lasting longer than the probation period.

Life lesson 1:

Indeed you only live once, so cycle on that pavement, annoy grumpy people in the process and avoid ironing at all costs. I am not a victim, repeat. I am not a victim.

MAY- The Universe really does have your back omg.

Some may perceive my intolerance for things that induce panic attacks, persistent crying and mood swings as a weakness, others may see it as a sign of strength and productivity. I'm gonna go for the 'Don't take no shit' outlook on life. As Mark Manson politely states 'save your ****'s for things that really matter'.

The stint at the pub had its purpose, met some lovely peeps, my knowledge of bloat inducing beverages and hops have been extended, and ultimately when shit hit the fan, the deep feelings of doom and dread as woke up in the morning enforced what I DO WANT in life. Preferably, a clear head, excitement to wake up in the morning, a deeper purpose, and perhaps even the sneaky luxury of peeing and eating my lunch when I want.

What next? You are not gonna believe this because I was also in disbelief when it happened. As you may already know, I have been an avid lover of vision boards, lighting incense and doing woo woo activities for a long time. However, over lockdown when nothing seemed to be going the way I wanted It to, I simply let it go. Silly, stupid bits of paper on a board. Humph. So when I left the pub with nothing planned in the pipeline I wasn't expecting any miracles or angels knocking at my door anytime soon.

Bim bam bosh. Long story short, that week. I landed a couple modelling jobs that would set me up financially for the next month. AND THEN- got offered to take over a franchise. I shit you not, the universe works in mysterious ways.

Life Lesson 2:

Have fun with your dreams and desires. Trust in the journey and remember your a wizard Harry.

JUNE- Modelling jobs, learning to love oneself, feeling like Princess Fiona.

When I was 16 I applied to a few agencies because my Grandma told me I had long legs. Okay Grandma, sounds like a plan. One agency took me in (the rest obviously didn't go to supersavers that year). Anyways, beggars can't be choosers, and that one that took me in many moons ago, I'm miraculously still with them at the ripe age of 23. From the ages of 16-18 I was a frail little lanky rake of a human; forever tired, grumpy and struggling with an eating disorder. Wow! Feels weird to actually say that out loud. I'd be a bad lier if I said I still don't have some body dysmorphia with how I look now, one day I'm a jacket potato, the next I'm Americas next top model.

So when I get a modelling job come through, I immediately think I'm going to be found out. A catfish, a freud, past her sell by date as I have been told before. You can imagine my horror recently, when the agency misinformed a client my OLD (16 year old pre pubescent, non- child bearing hips measurements). Spoiler alert, I couldn't get the jeans past my knees. You had one job Annabel, ONE JOB. Old me was mortified, new upgraded, older me was like. Hunaaay. Congratulations on your evolution. With those hips, you are ready to cook a baby. Let's give them some beautiful 'energy' instead.

This event, conjured up some feelings and motivation in me to really delve into what makes me feel beautiful and confident. Here are some I've been practicing lately: Positive affirmations in the mirror, mindful eating and nutritious food, more meditations, mindful movement, reading and educating yourself, gratitude for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

Life lesson 3:

Remember... You are beautiful from the inside, shining outwards. GLOWIN. Embrace your evolution. Potatoes can be cooked and enjoyed in many forms.

JULY- Time to leave the hermit shell- Spending time with people is actually rather good for us!

Why hello Jill!!! (July). I've always been a late bloomer... didn't get my period until I was like 15, lost my chastity belt at the age of 18 and am still waiting to receive boobs at the age of 23. So it doesn't come as a surprise that it took all these years to finally learn how to drive. In July, I finally got a car, celebrated 4 years of love with my bae Reece and started training for my new venture of being a business owner. Mum, Dad look I'M GROWING UP! Another novelty and new adventure included going away on a little holiday to a massive Manor House with MORE than 6 people (approximately 30).

You want the truth? I'll give it to you. I wasn't that excited about the prospect of socialising. I'd gotten so used to my little hermit life, blissfully avoiding people, muting phone calls and replying to messages a month late. Call me Mr Crabby.

Fully aware of my antisocial habits, I brushed off my glad-rags, practiced saying Hello in multiple pitches in the mirror and headed on down to the Manor House for the weekend of fabulous fun. To nobody's surprise it was bloody marvellous, the most fun I've had in over 2 years (not hard to do). You'll be pleased to hear I made up for lost times by dancing until my feet blistered, got high as a kite on Oxytocin, and drank wine like it was the last supper. We need human interaction, to meet new people and connect with old friends. I left the weekend with a full and happy heart. Naw.

Life Lesson 4:

Remember to hug often, make time for human interaction and dance like Maddie Ziegler listening to Sia.

AUGUST- Imposter syndrome on full alert... The return of hormones and natural highs.

August zoomed by. Sorry if the word ZOOM triggers you. What happened in August... nothing groundbreaking. However, I came off the contraceptive pill (to clarify, I don't want a baby right now), ran the furthest I've ever ran for my half marathon training, and began life as a 'business owner'. Here's what I've learnt so far:

-Letting your body do its natural thing is so underrated. My soul has returned. YAY.

-Runners high does indeed exist. I particularly love the runners nod/smile as you smugly gallop past each other along the promenade. "I'm great, you're great too. Look at us were running. cheeky runners wink.". hehe.

-Running your own business looks glamorous but it's anything but at times. If I'm honest, I have spent most days gawping at my laptop, resembling the hunch back of Notre-dame, in my PJ'S with an unwashed face until about 3pm. I then decide to get ready and have lunch around 4pm, and get confused by 8pm. My mum always said I had zero time management, perhaps that's why my degree in Event Management never took off. I also feel completely out of my depth at times, drowning in excitement and slight panic at my reckless decisions. BUT I LOVE IT!! Another fact about me, I may not be the strongest swimmer, but I do a pretty good breaststroke. Slow and steady wins the race.

Life Lesson 5:

Like they say... Life begins at the end of your contraceptive pill. Joking 'comfort zone'.

And here we are...

Back in the room.

Thanks for dropping in. I've enjoyed our one way catch up.

Sending you all my love

Bella X